


Discretion

by Whythehellnot0000



Series: Emily and Penelope are an underrated couple [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Derek Morgan is a good bro, Emily and Derek are besties and you can't convince me otherwise, F/F, Getting Together, JJ and Will's wedding, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, Post-Season/Series 06, bisexual penelope garcia, mild spoilers for season 7
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whythehellnot0000/pseuds/Whythehellnot0000
Summary: Penelope had to learn discretion, Emily had to unlearn it. Maybe together they can learn more.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia/Emily Prentiss
Series: Emily and Penelope are an underrated couple [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866556
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Being gay in the FBI is tough

Penelope Garcia never really gave the idea of discretion much thought. She has always been a heart on her sleeve sort of person and ever since she had her first boyfriend at 13 and her first girlfriend at 14 she knew that she didn’t want to hide herself to make other people more comfortable. Her clothing lost color when she bagan hacking but she managed to find herself one she had the freedom of a steady job and a best friend who could build up her confidence just through pet names. 

Despite the flourish of her personality and her closet, she knew working for the government came with different rules. She couldn’t talk about over half of her past relationships. Her friends weren’t allowed to visit her at work, not that they would want to of course because they all knew the history of law enforcement and the LGBTQ+ community. Most crushing though was that she couldn’t be completely honest with any of her friends at work. It wasn’t the threat of retaliation or that they would think differently of her but if they knew it was too risky. 

Against all odds she loved her job. She loved flirting with Derek, nerding out with Reid, and poking fun at the other agents with JJ when the BAU left them behind. She knew that despite his tough exterior, Hotch’s smile and dedication to his son were enough to bolster her trust in him. She admired Elle’s effort to justice and Gideon’s empathy for others. She loved her apartment and her neighbors and her friends. She couldn’t risk her happiness for the chance to be completely honest with the rest of the team. Discretion may not have come naturally to her but it could be learned, for her protection and her team’s happiness it could be learned.

****  
Emily Prentiss grew up knowing that deep down she wasn’t like her classmates. She knew that she didn’t like the boys the way the other girls did. As much as she tried she couldn’t like the popular boys. When she hit 14 started to realize that she might never experience love the way she saw in movies. She pushed herself into trying it and it cost her some of her best friends in Rome. 

College gave her the chance to give in and experience her desires before she had to pack it back up for entering the espionage world. When she got back to the states she was so used to hiding who she was it second nature. She learned how to discreetly pick up dates and how to give them just enough information to trust her but not enough to identify her to anyone. 

The decision to join the BAU changed nothing for Emily, not internally. She continued to relieve the pressures of the job at loud, dark clubs. She would visit establishments her mother would never dream of even looking at let alone entering. She went out with the team and flirted with men enough to misdirect her coworkers before going home alone or, even better, bring a man over to her group and they could gently poke fun at his one liners.


	2. JJ's Wedding

Penelope loves people. That’s one of the parts of her job that she both loves and hates. She may not be a profiler but she can read people and Penelope knows the look on Emily’s face is the same one she sees in the mirror. It’s the same face she makes when she wants to share herself with others but knows that the risk outweighs the benefits. It’s a look that means “don’t look at me too close” and says “don’t let me get too lost” and pleads “are we in this together?” Penelope wishes she could make Emily understand that they were in this together. She wishes she could share a look with the other woman that said yes I see you and I know you and I understand because I feel the same way. 

Instead she handles it the way she handles everything, she feels it too deeply and then, when she is struck restricting herself, it bursts out of her in the form of aggressive flirting. The pet names and the endearments and the casual I love you’s flowed effortlessly. They didn’t stand out, she flirted with Derek even more blatantly and after that there was no chance of suspicion that she was anything but straight. 

It builds and builds and finally comes to a head at JJ’s wedding. Emily looks beautiful in her white and floral dress that is colorful yet sophisticated. The whole team knows that Emily has seemed for the past couple of days, like she’s itching to move. Penelope is so afraid that she’ll miss her chance but she can’t risk losing Emily again and just yesterday she risked so much. Penelope doesn’t think she would be able to handle a life without Emily Prentiss. 

She walks in on Emily and Derek talking. They both look far too serious for such a happy occasion. She hopes the night won’t end with tears but she does not like the sound of the “I’ll tell you later” that Emily insists on. 

They eat dinner together as a group at a big round table with a long flowing table cloth, one that covers Penelope’s knees. She knows something is wrong with Emily and that she’s worried about something that Penelope hasn’t discovered yet. She takes a moment to thank the heavens that she’s ambidextrous and that Emily is right handed because it means that their hands idle occasionally next to one another throughout the first course. Everyone is laughing at something Derek said and Penelope is just thinking about how the night was almost perfect when Emily’s pinkie finger hooks around her own. Her breath catches and she glances around the table for a moment but everyone is still coming down from the humor and didn’t notice. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Emily still smiling widely but otherwise she too looks like nothing happened. Penelope resists grinning, channeling the discretion that she learned from joining the FBI in the first place, and squeezes Emily’s pinkie in hers. Emily squeezes back immediately. 

The waiters emerge to collect the first course and bring out the entree and their hands naturally separate. At least they’re still on the same page, Penelope thinks. The entree requires the fork and knife and they remain separate until they both finish eating. As soon as Penelope puts down her fork and knife, Emily’s hand is back in hers. This time their hands slip together fully, fitting together like they were made to.

JJ and Will dance together, Henry in Will’s arms so the three of them can wrap their arms around each other as a family, heads ducked together in laughter. The rest of them are having fun dancing with everyone. Penelope even manages half a dance with Kevin that provides them both with the closure they needed. 

The party winds down and Hotch is entertaining the kids with Beth and Reid. JJ and Will are still dancing and so is Rossi with whoever he can convince to join him so he can spin them around the dancefloor. Penelope finishes the song out with Rossi and she’s about to sit down when Emily appears in front of her. 

“May I have this dance?” Emily’s smile is bright and Penelope ignores the sadness she can see beyond the facade. She wants to pretend just for a night that everything is okay. 

“You may,” Penelope places her hand in Emily’s outstretched one and giggles as she is led out to the dance floor again. She is blushing and she knows that Emily has probably figured out it isn’t from the champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I want to rethink this story a little more but I thought I would add as much as I've written so far until I can make a new story Enjoy!


	3. Derek and Emily talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily knows she has to leave. She's a little surprised she's willing to explain her reasoning.

Emily thought returning to DC, catching Doyle, and rejoining the BAU would help settle the feeling in her chest. She’d set down roots and it would feel like home again with Garcia’s flirting and Reid’s facts and Morgan’s strong support. Hotch would bark at her to follow protocol and she’d watch JJ do press conferences and Rossi would invite her over and teach her recipes in Italian. 

But her skin still felt wrong. A part of her felt like she really had died that night. A part of her couldn’t forgive Hotch and JJ for making the call in her place and allowing her to be sent abroad. A part of her is bitter they didn’t let her die on that table, until she remembers Derek’s tears and Spencer’s anger and Penelope’s face when she comes back. It had been harder than she expected to leave her team to track Doyle and the guilt she felt over not telling them turned her stomach. If she thought about the whole situation she knew she would break down. 

After the ceremony is over, after the dinner plates have been cleared, after the dancing and the drinking, Emily feels a steady arm around her shoulders. 

“Can we go talk?” Derek says in a low voice, careful not to draw any attention towards them. Emily casts a final lingering look at the rest of the team. Reid and Penelope are entertaining the kids again as Hotch and Beth keep an eye on them from a distance. JJ and Will are still lost in their own newlywed world, spinning slowly around the dance floor. The other party goers are scattered around the yard and the peace and joy in the atmosphere is so thick that it is almost incomprehensible that they were all involved in a hostage situation not 72 hours before. Emily swallows down the sudden lump in her throat and nods. 

“You know if I had any other option I would stay,” Emily pleads. 

“Do I?,” Derek counters. “Because all I see is my best friend running away to a different continent.”

“I understand that you’re upset–”

“Upset? Emily, I’m furious. We just got you back and I’m supposed to just watch you walk out of here again?”

“I can’t stay here. I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I thought looking into buying something more permanent would fix it but it just made me feel trapped. It feels like when I first returned from being undercover. I don’t know who I am anymore–– and I think I need to do this to figure it out.”

“Why can’t you do that here? Can’t we help?” Emily meets his eyes for a moment before looking away.

“I feel like I can’t trust my judgement in the field anymore. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to any of you because I made the wrong call. This team is my family, more of a family than I have ever had.” She laughs in disbelief. “I mean look at all this. Who else puts together a spur of the moment wedding for just a coworker. We are closer than anyone in this line of work should be and I need to make sure I can trust myself before I can allow you and the team to trust me.”

“I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.” Derek finally concedes. “What about Penelope?” 

“What about Penelope?” Emily asks.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you two holding hands under the table at dinner. You may think you’re sneaky but I know my baby girl. There is something going on between you.” Emily opens her mouth to interrupt but Derek pretends like he doesn’t notice but holds up his hands in surrender. “Now I’m not going to pry. That’s your business and as much as I want to know all the dirty details I just want two of my favorite ladies to be happy,” he says with a grin and Emily gives him a light shove. 

“I don’t want her to get hurt.” he says, suddenly serious. “That girl is one of the most unique and colorful people on this planet and if you break her heart I won’t hesitate to make sure you won’t be able to do it a second time. You are my best friend Emily but that girl is something special. You should have seen her when we thought you died.” 

Emily winces. “I wish things hadn’t happened the way they did. You all deserved better and I would never knowingly do that to any of you. I- I care about Penelope. A lot. I’m taking her to brunch tomorrow to explain everything. I’m not going to abandon anyone, her or you, this time. I’ll just be a phone call away and the flight isn’t even that long from DC to London. Hopefully it’ll be a short term assignment and I’ll be stable enough to come back soon. I would never be able to just sit behind a desk while the team is out in the field. This way I’ll be able to put all my energy into sorting my head out and I’ll be back before you even miss me.” 

“Look at you, miss I don’t share my personal life with co-workers,” he laughs. “Who knew we’d all get this close when you first started here.”

“Certainly not me.” Emily huffs. “So, we’re good?” She confirms. 

“Yeah, we’re good.” Emily glances around to make sure nobody is nearby before pulling Derek into a quick hug. “Don’t lose my number, you hear me?” Derek asks as they break apart. Emily ignores the shine in his eyes and he does the same. 

“Of course not,” she answers casually. “Who else is going to update me on the famous Reid-Morgan prank war.” 

Derek shakes his head. “Go find your girl,” he demands, laughing. “I don’t know if you’ve kissed yet but if you miss out on this romantic shit I’m not going to forgive you on my baby girl’s behalf.”

“Message received,” she gives him a lazy salute. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a lady to woo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes! It is very late and I haven't slept. Whoops!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! I now have a direction so hopefully updates will be more regular


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